Reunited and it feels so good!!!
Can you say that about therapy without sounding more crazy?
With having a handful of kids this summer it has been impossible to have a face to face with my beautiful inside and out counselor. We have corresponded between emails but it isn't the same as sitting around a table with our bibles wide open and asking God to take a seat beside us.
Today her first words or really question was "Tell me what's been happening?"
Then with unexpected jitters I fill her in on the joy and chaos of my life this summer.
The joy of spending so much time with my two nuggets and seeing who they really are. Wether it be with their interactions with friends or watching them read a book on the couch; I have been able to sit back and observe. And to be very smug I like what I see.
I talk about these beautiful books that have been rebuilding my heart and helping me heal.
I gab about my mother STILL dutifully going to church with us every Sunday and praying with me.
I go on and on about friendships old and new that are showing me what being a grace giver means. Reunions with old friends who don't bat an eye when I tell them what I have done but rather extend a hand. Friendships that have been strengthened because time together allowed for truth talking. The fact that people are still allowing me the privilege of praying with them and for them.
She looks at me and says "Praise God and wow but one question??? Why are you crying?"
Ah the conundrum. I have to promise her that I don't cry every day...really I don't anymore...but what if??? What if tomorrow everything changes?
What if the fear of tomorrow comes back? What if people wake up and instead of it being one person who can't forgive me it turns into all of them? What if the desire to steal takes over my flesh again? What if the depression hits me again so hard that I can't wake up from it? What if the devil spits on my "choose joy" motto, swallows it up, and then fills me with despair? What if today isn't enough to get me through tomorrow?
Can you say that about therapy without sounding more crazy?
With having a handful of kids this summer it has been impossible to have a face to face with my beautiful inside and out counselor. We have corresponded between emails but it isn't the same as sitting around a table with our bibles wide open and asking God to take a seat beside us.
Today her first words or really question was "Tell me what's been happening?"
Then with unexpected jitters I fill her in on the joy and chaos of my life this summer.
The joy of spending so much time with my two nuggets and seeing who they really are. Wether it be with their interactions with friends or watching them read a book on the couch; I have been able to sit back and observe. And to be very smug I like what I see.
I talk about these beautiful books that have been rebuilding my heart and helping me heal.
I gab about my mother STILL dutifully going to church with us every Sunday and praying with me.
I go on and on about friendships old and new that are showing me what being a grace giver means. Reunions with old friends who don't bat an eye when I tell them what I have done but rather extend a hand. Friendships that have been strengthened because time together allowed for truth talking. The fact that people are still allowing me the privilege of praying with them and for them.
She looks at me and says "Praise God and wow but one question??? Why are you crying?"
Ah the conundrum. I have to promise her that I don't cry every day...really I don't anymore...but what if??? What if tomorrow everything changes?
What if the fear of tomorrow comes back? What if people wake up and instead of it being one person who can't forgive me it turns into all of them? What if the desire to steal takes over my flesh again? What if the depression hits me again so hard that I can't wake up from it? What if the devil spits on my "choose joy" motto, swallows it up, and then fills me with despair? What if today isn't enough to get me through tomorrow?
We talked, we prayed, we set up some self defense tactics, and posted some guard rails (more about that later), and then we read.
"Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered; blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin." Romans 4:7-8
"Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope..." Romans 5:2-4
"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Choose JOY choose JOY choose JOY. And yes today is enough. Today is my success day. Today is my praise day. The church service, the family lunch, the nap, the kids playing on the trampoline while I snapped pictures, the girlfriend who sat on my couch to vent and then I prayed for her after she left, the funny texts that had me in giggles, the cereal we ate and loved it, the husband who coaches his son on football fundamentals while teaching him the rules of life, the girl who drenched me in tacky make up from one ear lobe to the other, the prayer for our family member marrying his lovely in Canada today, that yummy piece of cake I should have sliced a little smaller, the tucks into bed and celebrating our joy moments today, and now me writing you this.....ALL this.... it is enough. It will sustain me and carry me into tomorrow. Then tomorrow I will choose joy all over again.
With unending love,
Kristie
Kristie
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