My newest addiction? The tv show Once Upon A Time. It was either that or Forensic Files and after constantly imagining how I would leave evidence if anything ever happened to me I decided to go to the less morbid t.v. series route.
The show is actually a brilliant concept. The thought that we are all actually part a of a fairytale filled with true loves, honest friendships, knights willing to save us, and a promise of a happily ever after. I love to escape into the show after everyone goes to sleep in my house imagining my own story line and my happily ever after.
Right now the reality is I am not in a fairy tale. I sometimes do feel truly cursed. It's like the evil character Rumplestiltskin says, "All magic comes with a price." That can also be said of choosing sin over an honest and good life. It always comes with a price.
I knew once the nuggets went back to school that the emotional rollercoaster would be rough but wasn't prepared for this. I haven't been wallowing and have actually been very busy but the mind can be a powerful thing when it comes to guilt and fear.
The best way to describe it is like being on a shaky wooden raft going downstream. 6 months ago I fell down the waterfall. I survived!!!! It was a scary but grateful experience. You immediately think that it can't get any worse. Then there were times when the rocks were rough and other moments of just peaceful currents in shallow waters.
The past 3 weeks have been rugged, rough, turbulent, and never ending. Sometimes I want to just jump off this shaky raft and call it a day. But one thing is I am not is a quitter. I just wonder when will it end? When does the crash of rocks subside and I am left floating in a peaceful pond? (And with this I am just talking about the emotional uneasiness and not the physical results that I will have to endure.)
I feel like screaming and crying (which I always do) "I get it!!! I know what I did was wrong. Enough already!" I mean where is my godmother or my true love's kiss to get me out of this curse?
I am really just ready to wake up and move on.
The crazy thing is I KNOW that one day it will end and that there is a purpose for every moment I am on this ride. And I KNOW that I am not alone. Besides realizing that this amazing husband of mine is along for the ride; I am aware that my God has set this destination. He is in control of the ride and when it ends.
I need to remember that it isn't the raft holding me up but the grace and redeeming power of God.
The show is actually a brilliant concept. The thought that we are all actually part a of a fairytale filled with true loves, honest friendships, knights willing to save us, and a promise of a happily ever after. I love to escape into the show after everyone goes to sleep in my house imagining my own story line and my happily ever after.
Right now the reality is I am not in a fairy tale. I sometimes do feel truly cursed. It's like the evil character Rumplestiltskin says, "All magic comes with a price." That can also be said of choosing sin over an honest and good life. It always comes with a price.
I knew once the nuggets went back to school that the emotional rollercoaster would be rough but wasn't prepared for this. I haven't been wallowing and have actually been very busy but the mind can be a powerful thing when it comes to guilt and fear.
The best way to describe it is like being on a shaky wooden raft going downstream. 6 months ago I fell down the waterfall. I survived!!!! It was a scary but grateful experience. You immediately think that it can't get any worse. Then there were times when the rocks were rough and other moments of just peaceful currents in shallow waters.
The past 3 weeks have been rugged, rough, turbulent, and never ending. Sometimes I want to just jump off this shaky raft and call it a day. But one thing is I am not is a quitter. I just wonder when will it end? When does the crash of rocks subside and I am left floating in a peaceful pond? (And with this I am just talking about the emotional uneasiness and not the physical results that I will have to endure.)
I feel like screaming and crying (which I always do) "I get it!!! I know what I did was wrong. Enough already!" I mean where is my godmother or my true love's kiss to get me out of this curse?
I am really just ready to wake up and move on.
The crazy thing is I KNOW that one day it will end and that there is a purpose for every moment I am on this ride. And I KNOW that I am not alone. Besides realizing that this amazing husband of mine is along for the ride; I am aware that my God has set this destination. He is in control of the ride and when it ends.
I need to remember that it isn't the raft holding me up but the grace and redeeming power of God.
There is a happily ever after for me and it isn't made up of stories from a fairy tale. I have a greater tale of true love and being saved. I don't deserve an easy path for what I have chosen but I am not going to lie and say I don't pray for a quick resolve. That's the selfishness in us all. For now I am just holding on for dear life.
Blessings,
Kristie
Kristie
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