I would love for this entry to be called full circle. It would entail an end to a season of my life but we don't choose our timing. God does that. Thank goodness.
24 hours from now I won't be swinging on a park bench in 60 degree weather like I am now. I mean seriously it is August in the Carolinas. Can I get some warmth here? It has been a cold couple of days with rain saturating everywhere. I like to think God has it planned that way so I can see how much I need the warmth of the sun and Him.
Yep 24 hours from now I will be chilling at my "close to Heaven as your gonna get on earth" place. The waves, the sand, the sunrise, and my God.
I've mentioned a million times before how the beach is my go to God place. I find His presence there stronger than anywhere else. The natural beauty of it shows that God can create anything and bless us with it.
Our last meeting there was emotional and packed with fear and guilt. He warned me of what was to QUICKLY come.
In some ways it was easier than I thought it would be. My soul was lightened. I could speak truth finally. I have been more honest then I have ever been. I can finally get counseling and face these issues. I can see relationships getting stronger then I ever imagined.
In some ways it has been harder then I thought. People lost faith in me. I have never cried so much. I have been defriended, blocked, judged, have ruined/lost relationships that I never thought would be compromised and it still hurts on a daily basis. I take complete acceptance for all of it but it still hurts. Then let's not forget the whole probability of going to jail thing.
When the latter things enter my mind I try to quickly dump it. When it dwells the Devil festers there and he gets a kick out of it. The highest highs and the lowest lows. Just yesterday someone who I use to work with was telling me how another person assumed hubby would leave me. "How could he ever trust her or look at her the same again?" I did the classic smile and shrug it off but by the time I got home it was enormous!!!! "Why is he with me?" "What if I screw up again?"
As I have said before though the more time we spend with our Father the greater He equips us in all circumstances. Two steps into the door I emailed my counselor for prayer, texted my prayer partner in preparation for what it was going to do to me, and told hubby. I never would have exposed that vulnerable side of me before.
We all have the highest of highs and lowest of lows.
I expect to bawl as soon as I get the first second alone with my Savior on the beach which will most likely be sunrise. I don't expect it to be filled with fear like last. I will recollect over the past 6 months and focus on what still has to happen before it can truly be over. There will be a lot of relief, pleading to still get rid of this guilt, and a gigantic amount of praise for all that has happened in this small amount of time; all of my stabs of joy.
Mother's baptism and going to church with us every Sunday.
New friendships.
Rekindling of old.
Strength in marriage.
No longer living in fear of sins and addictions.
The crazy amount of people I have met through this blog and being able to talk to other people who suffer from child abuse, food addiction, and stealing.
The strengthening of my relationship with God.
The awareness of how many idols I had placed in front of Him.
The ability to let those idols go and dive into His word when I feel like I am slipping.
The decision by the Danciu family to always choose joy.
The list could go on and on.....
I am going to be absent the next week and abide and rest with the Lord and this amazing family. (Probably the reason I have wrote so much this week.)
Can you please pray for safe travels, new lovely family memories, and for me? All of me? I do expect it to be emotional (of course) but hey I am a work in progress. Kristie and tears go hand in hand now.
I do expect that I when I see that first flash of brilliant color in the early morning to feel God's arms wrapped around me and hear His voice whisper "You've done well my child and we are half way there."
24 hours from now I won't be swinging on a park bench in 60 degree weather like I am now. I mean seriously it is August in the Carolinas. Can I get some warmth here? It has been a cold couple of days with rain saturating everywhere. I like to think God has it planned that way so I can see how much I need the warmth of the sun and Him.
Yep 24 hours from now I will be chilling at my "close to Heaven as your gonna get on earth" place. The waves, the sand, the sunrise, and my God.
I've mentioned a million times before how the beach is my go to God place. I find His presence there stronger than anywhere else. The natural beauty of it shows that God can create anything and bless us with it.
Our last meeting there was emotional and packed with fear and guilt. He warned me of what was to QUICKLY come.
In some ways it was easier than I thought it would be. My soul was lightened. I could speak truth finally. I have been more honest then I have ever been. I can finally get counseling and face these issues. I can see relationships getting stronger then I ever imagined.
In some ways it has been harder then I thought. People lost faith in me. I have never cried so much. I have been defriended, blocked, judged, have ruined/lost relationships that I never thought would be compromised and it still hurts on a daily basis. I take complete acceptance for all of it but it still hurts. Then let's not forget the whole probability of going to jail thing.
When the latter things enter my mind I try to quickly dump it. When it dwells the Devil festers there and he gets a kick out of it. The highest highs and the lowest lows. Just yesterday someone who I use to work with was telling me how another person assumed hubby would leave me. "How could he ever trust her or look at her the same again?" I did the classic smile and shrug it off but by the time I got home it was enormous!!!! "Why is he with me?" "What if I screw up again?"
As I have said before though the more time we spend with our Father the greater He equips us in all circumstances. Two steps into the door I emailed my counselor for prayer, texted my prayer partner in preparation for what it was going to do to me, and told hubby. I never would have exposed that vulnerable side of me before.
We all have the highest of highs and lowest of lows.
I expect to bawl as soon as I get the first second alone with my Savior on the beach which will most likely be sunrise. I don't expect it to be filled with fear like last. I will recollect over the past 6 months and focus on what still has to happen before it can truly be over. There will be a lot of relief, pleading to still get rid of this guilt, and a gigantic amount of praise for all that has happened in this small amount of time; all of my stabs of joy.
Mother's baptism and going to church with us every Sunday.
New friendships.
Rekindling of old.
Strength in marriage.
No longer living in fear of sins and addictions.
The crazy amount of people I have met through this blog and being able to talk to other people who suffer from child abuse, food addiction, and stealing.
The strengthening of my relationship with God.
The awareness of how many idols I had placed in front of Him.
The ability to let those idols go and dive into His word when I feel like I am slipping.
The decision by the Danciu family to always choose joy.
The list could go on and on.....
I am going to be absent the next week and abide and rest with the Lord and this amazing family. (Probably the reason I have wrote so much this week.)
Can you please pray for safe travels, new lovely family memories, and for me? All of me? I do expect it to be emotional (of course) but hey I am a work in progress. Kristie and tears go hand in hand now.
I do expect that I when I see that first flash of brilliant color in the early morning to feel God's arms wrapped around me and hear His voice whisper "You've done well my child and we are half way there."
With endless love,
Kristie
Kristie
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