Something is happening. This past week I feel different. My soul feels different. Instead of my mind racing and my heart breaking; I feel a tug of change. And my friends I am starting to rejoice in it.
The Spirit is calling to me with gentle words and emotions.
Abide
Rest
Breathe
Surrender
Motherhood
Joy
I don't know the reason for this calmness but I am not going to fight it. Maybe the routine of the past four months is finally becoming habit. Could be the dozen books I have read that ranged from food addiction to finding joy in everything are starting to make sense. I know the daily time in His Word has calmed me. The community I have engulfed myself in has shown me what true grace and friendship is.
The Spirit is growing in me and slowly erasing the pain of horrible choices I have made. I find myself not wanting to or having the desire to repeat the past mistakes.
God is telling me to slow down in every area of my life.
To ABIDE in His love for me. Soak it in. To finally understand how much I am His and nothing can ever change that.
To REST in His word at any moment. Whether it be the urge to purge on food or drown in my guilt and shame; I can find answers and encouragement for my daily living.
To BREATHE in the beautiful aroma of friendship among my community of women. Let's face it I have sucked these past years as a friend. I have lied, gossiped, envied, and devalued each and everyone of you at one point or the other. I have been given more grace than I deserve. You have equally laid your sins in front of me and we have begun a new promising God filled journey together.
To SURRENDER the anxiety of what tomorrow holds. Will I find a job? Will I be prosecuted? Will I be imprisoned? Not a day goes by my mind doesn't wonder. Yet each day I am closer to the end then I was the day before. Closer to finding resolution that I know I justly deserve.
To find peace in the beautiful mess of MOTHERHOOD. Realizing that these children need a mom who can live and accept the NOW of life. I have been blessed with a few months of just being a mom and for the first time really understanding that is all they need and want. Not a closet full of clothes. Not a new pack of pokemon cards each day. Not a weekly trip to Target to get another doll. They need me and I can teach them about sin, forgiveness, grace, and redemption.
The Spirit is calling to me with gentle words and emotions.
Abide
Rest
Breathe
Surrender
Motherhood
Joy
I don't know the reason for this calmness but I am not going to fight it. Maybe the routine of the past four months is finally becoming habit. Could be the dozen books I have read that ranged from food addiction to finding joy in everything are starting to make sense. I know the daily time in His Word has calmed me. The community I have engulfed myself in has shown me what true grace and friendship is.
The Spirit is growing in me and slowly erasing the pain of horrible choices I have made. I find myself not wanting to or having the desire to repeat the past mistakes.
God is telling me to slow down in every area of my life.
To ABIDE in His love for me. Soak it in. To finally understand how much I am His and nothing can ever change that.
To REST in His word at any moment. Whether it be the urge to purge on food or drown in my guilt and shame; I can find answers and encouragement for my daily living.
To BREATHE in the beautiful aroma of friendship among my community of women. Let's face it I have sucked these past years as a friend. I have lied, gossiped, envied, and devalued each and everyone of you at one point or the other. I have been given more grace than I deserve. You have equally laid your sins in front of me and we have begun a new promising God filled journey together.
To SURRENDER the anxiety of what tomorrow holds. Will I find a job? Will I be prosecuted? Will I be imprisoned? Not a day goes by my mind doesn't wonder. Yet each day I am closer to the end then I was the day before. Closer to finding resolution that I know I justly deserve.
To find peace in the beautiful mess of MOTHERHOOD. Realizing that these children need a mom who can live and accept the NOW of life. I have been blessed with a few months of just being a mom and for the first time really understanding that is all they need and want. Not a closet full of clothes. Not a new pack of pokemon cards each day. Not a weekly trip to Target to get another doll. They need me and I can teach them about sin, forgiveness, grace, and redemption.
To find JOY in all of the above and then some. Joy in the temper tantrums. Joy in that when I pray my praises are so much more than the number of sins. Can I get a Hallelujah for that? Joy in not worrying about being wrong or right. Knowing we are all wrong and moving on. Joy in finally losing 10lbs. WOOHOO!!! Joy in this marriage that continues to be rejuvenated by God's gracious hand. Joy that my mom wants to date again. YIKES!!! So many joys.....
Can I pray for you? Can I pray that whatever obstacle, sin, addiction, and or issue that you have; that you feel that gentle tug? God is merciful and redeeming and powerful. He can help you overcome any pain, guilt, hurt, or anger that you have. At the end of the day, at the end of our life He is the only One who can provide a pasture of rest among the weeds.
With endless love,
Kristie
Kristie
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