My number is 93. What's yours? Of course I am referring to Instagram followers. Okay what was your first thought? Sad, pathetic, not popular, who cares....Maybe you are one of those rare souls who aren't addicted to social media. Applause!!!!
I on the other hand have an addiction when it comes to the world of Instagram, Facebook, and blogging. I have always known it but realized the intensity of it when I first stayed home in my deep depression. I would literally wake up in the middle of the night to see if someone had posted anything about me or stopped following me. One of my first resolutions when trying to sort everything out was to make a list of all things and people who I prioritize before God. This phone of mine was a blaring symbol of me not putting God first. At the height of my darkest days I was obsessed with number of friends, other people's lives, and how everyone else seem to keep it all sane while I was drowning. In pictures I saw clean houses, big rings, perfect makeup, garden's growing, cross fit training, and lots of people having it all. It made me feel quite honestly on the bottom of the totem pole. I was a glass half empty girl looking into a glass always full girl. Now let me say I am not envious of material things. I have never been jealous when it comes to big houses, nice cars, and new clothes. That just isn't me. I am a redneck hick from Travelers Rest who lived in trailers so fancy cars and big houses was never really in my daydreams.
However I was envious of what seemed like happiness packaged in nice clean simple boxes. These people, you people seem to be brimming with good fortune, talent that has been formatted into merchandise, and all the while no anxiety about how to make it one more day.
Then I woke up. I woke up from everything.
See that is not me and will never be me. I have a simple life filled with messy and chaotic moments. I have dirty dishes in the sink every night. My bedside table looks like a war zone with sticky notes, earrings, kid's toys, and dirty socks that I find while falling asleep. I have clothes that at this moment have been in the dryer for two days. I am unemployed and just finding thanks that I don't have to budget my weekly grocery bill. Yet. Oh and I have cankles which means I will never be skinny. Yep that is my life.
There are some things though that can't be shown on pics and posts. I am a terrific mom who works really hard at teaching and raising her kids right. I am a loving and serving wife who may not be a supermodel but has an adoration for her husband that is hard to find. Wait...maybe my glass is almost full.
Contentment is a hard thing to find ladies and it can cause a lot of pain if you think you have to buy it. It is a slippery slope when we would rather live in someone else's world than our own. Simplicity, rest, and meditating on God's word is the perfect prescription for the "I am not good enough" blues.
Now social media isn't all bad. In some ways it has been a blessing. We now have easier access to devotions, sharing in God's word, and a creative outlet to advertise our talents. I have learned that other moms are messy too thanks to groups like ThriveMoms and some beautiful women I have met.
Picture perfect is in the eye of the beholder. I am just wanting to share the messy with the world because it shows the complete me.
So if you are sharing your life or following someone else's on a social app make sure you do it with honest and good intentions; not with judgement or false agendas. It can become one of your greatest tools for witnessing to the world. So yeah I feel differently about my 93 now and the hundred more that I am following. I have shared something that had them wanting to invest a little time into my life. I am finding contentment within me while seeing happiness in the lives of others. I am just hoping my followers don't freak out about the dirty dishes if they get a glimpse of them in the background.
I on the other hand have an addiction when it comes to the world of Instagram, Facebook, and blogging. I have always known it but realized the intensity of it when I first stayed home in my deep depression. I would literally wake up in the middle of the night to see if someone had posted anything about me or stopped following me. One of my first resolutions when trying to sort everything out was to make a list of all things and people who I prioritize before God. This phone of mine was a blaring symbol of me not putting God first. At the height of my darkest days I was obsessed with number of friends, other people's lives, and how everyone else seem to keep it all sane while I was drowning. In pictures I saw clean houses, big rings, perfect makeup, garden's growing, cross fit training, and lots of people having it all. It made me feel quite honestly on the bottom of the totem pole. I was a glass half empty girl looking into a glass always full girl. Now let me say I am not envious of material things. I have never been jealous when it comes to big houses, nice cars, and new clothes. That just isn't me. I am a redneck hick from Travelers Rest who lived in trailers so fancy cars and big houses was never really in my daydreams.
However I was envious of what seemed like happiness packaged in nice clean simple boxes. These people, you people seem to be brimming with good fortune, talent that has been formatted into merchandise, and all the while no anxiety about how to make it one more day.
Then I woke up. I woke up from everything.
See that is not me and will never be me. I have a simple life filled with messy and chaotic moments. I have dirty dishes in the sink every night. My bedside table looks like a war zone with sticky notes, earrings, kid's toys, and dirty socks that I find while falling asleep. I have clothes that at this moment have been in the dryer for two days. I am unemployed and just finding thanks that I don't have to budget my weekly grocery bill. Yet. Oh and I have cankles which means I will never be skinny. Yep that is my life.
There are some things though that can't be shown on pics and posts. I am a terrific mom who works really hard at teaching and raising her kids right. I am a loving and serving wife who may not be a supermodel but has an adoration for her husband that is hard to find. Wait...maybe my glass is almost full.
Contentment is a hard thing to find ladies and it can cause a lot of pain if you think you have to buy it. It is a slippery slope when we would rather live in someone else's world than our own. Simplicity, rest, and meditating on God's word is the perfect prescription for the "I am not good enough" blues.
Now social media isn't all bad. In some ways it has been a blessing. We now have easier access to devotions, sharing in God's word, and a creative outlet to advertise our talents. I have learned that other moms are messy too thanks to groups like ThriveMoms and some beautiful women I have met.
Picture perfect is in the eye of the beholder. I am just wanting to share the messy with the world because it shows the complete me.
So if you are sharing your life or following someone else's on a social app make sure you do it with honest and good intentions; not with judgement or false agendas. It can become one of your greatest tools for witnessing to the world. So yeah I feel differently about my 93 now and the hundred more that I am following. I have shared something that had them wanting to invest a little time into my life. I am finding contentment within me while seeing happiness in the lives of others. I am just hoping my followers don't freak out about the dirty dishes if they get a glimpse of them in the background.
"But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice." James 3:14-16
With endless love,
Kristie
Kristie
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