RAW

Toughest week of my life....UNDERSTATEMENT....but I am here. Breathing...living...and just being completely raw. I was having lunch with an amazing friend this week and as she comforted me with love, mercy, and forgiveness she said the most beautiful thing. "The most truthful and loving moment anyone can share with God is when they are completely raw." I just can't shake that comment.
A week ago my life fell apart. Something I knew would always happen happened. A secret, an obsession, a compulsive sin came to light for the ones I love to be blinded by it. In a totally selfish and weird way I am so glad it is over. The curtain was pulled back. The veil was lifted. It honestly felt like the weight of a thousand tons was lifted. Of course a new burden fell upon me. You know the simple inconvenience of having to tell everyone you care about a horrible truth. The shame and the embarrassment is still overwhelming. Having to tell your husband something you have kept from him for years is pretty indescribable. The look of disbelief and the sound of gasps from friends who have been your friends forever. Yes I am completely raw.
He never left me though. He actually made me stronger. His words became more clear and the Spirit became my lifeline.
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
He was a true Father comforting His child in need. His love never failed. I can only pray to be that loving and forgiving of a parent. His love overflowed through my loved ones who forgave me before I even spoke. I don't deserve such kindness.
This hardship is obviously not over. Not even close. This isn't a time when you can just say sorry.
But in a way it is over. The worry, the fear, and the hiding are gone. My friend was right. When everything has been completely stripped from you; the only thing you can bring to God is yourself and that is a beautiful thing.

In love and faith,
Kristie